I've been rather MIA recently so I wanted to post a quick update. And not to mention, things are going fairly well right now, and I do not want to miss an opportunity to write a positive post!
Last Tuesday I began my externship at an outpatient rehabilitation hospital for adults. I am excited to begin this phase of my graduate program - it's a great learning experience AND it means I'm close to being done! :)
The days leading up to the externship start date were quite tough because, before beginning the clinic work, I needed to complete a nice chunk of my make up work from the semester I took off (i.e., to deal with myself). I haven't written much about this yet, but for quite some time, it has been really difficult for me to get things accomplished, particularly school work.
I don't completely understand why, but on many occasions when I have attempted to buckle down and complete assignments, I have felt overwhelmed with depression and an emotional surge that threatened to send me into trigger oblivion. Because I really needed to check off some assignments pronto, I decided to push through the unpleasant emotional NONSENSE, assuring myself that there is nothing inherently sad or threatening about schoolwork.
As frequently is the case, my mind and emotions had a little miscommunication, and I felt...dreadful! It didn't help that I was still recovering from the psychiatry appointment I had attended earlier in the week; sometimes it takes me a few days to bounce back from triggering moments. Before, I would slip into avoidance before having to deal with any mounting emotional discomfort - do you blame me? Who wants to consider, why the heck studying acoustics makes me cry harder than attending a funeral?! Quite bizarre, I do actually have some theories that I'll go into those another day! :)
Anyway, this go round, I just thought to myself, "Just bring all the rain!"
And, well, the rain did come...and quite a lot of it...three full days of intense crying to be exact, the duration of time I committed myself to completing assignments. I stopped for short breaks when the crying became too intense, but, and it's a huge BUT, I completed a great deal of coursework in which I desperately needed!
I am getting much better at this whole emotion-surfing notion my therapist introduced me to a while back! The emotional waves may come and go, but I don't have to dive completely under water and avoid them completely. Nor do I have to stand there and resist them, and in the mean time, get trampled down by water. Yes, I can surf them, riding out their highs and lows, until the waves dissipates. No harm done there!
Right before I began writing this post, I took my sleeping medication so I will have to stop there and pick back up later. Sweet dreams!