Saturday, December 10, 2011

My Story: Becoming "Acquainted" with My Future Acquaintance Rapist

I started attending boarding school my sophomore year of high school. Among the students, who had started as freshmen the previous year, was A.T., a blond-haired preppy guy who was very popular during our high school years. During orientation, A.T. walked over to my parents and
introduced himself to us. I didn’t immediately become friends with A.T., but for whatever reason, he always made a point to come over and speak to my parents when they were visiting for school functions. To my knowledge, he did not do this to the parents of any of my other friends. Once he even commented to my parents that he had really enjoyed getting to know me since I arrived at our boarding school. I remember being very flattered because he was a highly sought after guy, but also thinking it was strange since my interactions with him were minimal at that point.

The following year during our winter trimester, I began dating A.T. after we hung out at a school dance. During the course of our very short relationship, A.T. would suggest that we take walks on the golf course, the place where couples retreated to get around our school’s strict stipulations on guy-girl visitation. During these walks, A.T. would constantly try to push my sexual boundaries, which at that point in my life excluded anything below the waist. I would tell him that it wasn’t in the cards, and he would nod his head in agreement but then try again almost instantaneously. It was annoying, but I was completely infatuated with him.

I never wavered in my affirmation that nothing else was going to happen sexually between us, which I’m pretty certain is the reason our relationship was pretty short-lived. Following a weeklong break from school, A.T. claimed that we had “grown apart” when I called him upon my return to school. We had never really “grown together,” and it was apparent to me that we were breaking up because I wouldn’t put out sexually. I didn’t think too much of it though; my thoughts were that high school guys were too hormonal and immature to take seriously. I had also been taught that “guys are only after one thing,” so our breakup did not come as some heartbreaking shocker.

Homecoming happened to fall within the duration of our relationship. I was A.T.’s homecoming date, and his parents, who were in town, took the two of us out for dinner at a Mexican restaurant before the homecoming dance. A.T. had been injured playing sports and was not able to dance so we ended up leaving the party early. Instead of seeking privacy on the golf course – thank goodness – this time we had “parietals” (i.e., co-ed visitation in the dorm rooms under the stipulation that a shoe was propping open the door and “three feet were on the floor at all times”). Like on previous occasions, I had to go through the whole boundaries rigamaro again because it was falling on deaf ears. Even with his injury, he’d try something, I’d have to stop him, he’d try something, I’d have to stop him. The annoying cycle repeated itself over and over until it was time for me to head back to my dorm.

Over the course of our two-month relationship, I never learned anything about A.T. on a personal level. I wasn’t seeking an epic intimate mental connection with A.T., but I did find it a little strange that I knew him no better at the end of those two months than I did at the beginning of our relationship. I remember talking with one of my best friends about something being a little different about A.T., but that it was hard to pinpoint. Completely unsolicited, I remember around this time his best friend telling me that although he considered A.T. his best friend, he didn’t feel like he knew A.T. at all.

Throughout the remainder of high school, A.T. and I remained friendly, but we never sought out each other’s company or developed a close friendship. He continued his niceties with my parents, causing my mom to adore him. After our graduation ceremony, A.T.’s parents approached me and asked if they could get a picture of me with A.T. His father motioned for us to stand close together and commented that we “make such a cute couple.” It came across like A.T. had never mentioned to his parents that we were no longer together. Surely, they knew though – it had been well over a year! I remember finding the whole interaction on the bizarre side, but I also thought it was a kind gesture on some level. I received a graduation present from him (well, it had obviously been sent from his parents) in the mail. I thought this was a nice gesture, too, but it came across as a little strange. It would have never crossed my mind to send him a graduation present had he not sent me one – after all, we had hung out for only a two-month period, and based on the impersonal nature of our relationship, I was surprised that my name was even mentioned during their selection of recipients of graduate presents.

I have no idea what any of these interactions mean, or even why I am including them in “My Story.”

For the next portion of "My Story," click here.


  1. I wonder if his parents knew the relationship only lasted 2 months. I may be way off but I have a feeling that A.T. gave his parents the impression that you and A.T. had a much more involved and long term relationship.

    I am sorry he tried so hard to pressure you into stuff you didn't want to do. It can be very tiring and emotionally trying to feel like we always have to say NO. Why can't they just listen, and accept our wishes?


  2. @Jaime, seriously?! It's beyond frustrating. The good news is guys do eventually mellow out - but there are still always the stragglers from what I hear!

    You raise an interesting point re A.T.'s parents - who the heck knows? Their behavior was pretty bizarre - nice - but a tad off-beat, like they didn't know. I have a feeling that they thought we were more involved, too, because I can't imagine they knew how limited his interest in me was (doubt he volunteered that info, and I doubt they wanted to think such things about their son).

    Thanks for reading and commenting. One day I'll finish my story!