Thursday, November 10, 2011

In the words of Ce-Lo Green...

“Fuck you, A.”

Something that’s been on my mind a lot since finding out that I will be living in the same city as A is what I will say when I bump into him. New York City is a huge city, I know, but I do not have the luxury
of knowing that I will never bump into him. When you went to the same high school and college as someone, a big place can shrink pretty quickly.

If my husband and I decided not to remain in NYC, the other location of where my husband’s employer would send him just so happens to be A’s hometown. And I wonder why this emotional crap suddenly sprung up…

Anyway, I haven’t spoken to A since about 1 ½ weeks after that night (I’ll touch on the events of that 1 ½ weeks another day); however, he has continued to say “hello” on each and every occasion I’ve bumped into him since. During these occasions, I have just looked away and not said anything in response. These occasions have left me feeling powerless, empty, and defeated. Not to mention, the typical feelings of dirtiness and self-loathing that the thought of him evokes.

If I am going to live in New York City, I know that I am going to have to be better equipped for any potential run-ins with A. I would love to subtlety knee him in the groin and leave him rolling around on the floor, but I know this fantasy is not realistic (or is it? J ). I’ve run through a lot of different responses to his “hello, M” with his slimy smile plastered across his face, and I think the best one I’ve come up with thus far is a simple, “Fuck you.”

I don’t think I’ve ever said this to someone while being serious and meaning it. I think perhaps that is why the thought of saying it to him would carry so much weight to me. I can’t think of any two words more representative of my feelings towards him.

As weird and sick as it probably sounds, I can’t think of anything more empowering in my life right now than responding to that sleazy blond slime ball when he says “hello, M” than looking him in the eye and saying “Fuck you, A” with 9 years of pent up emotions backing it. I wouldn’t need to say it loudly.

He would know that I meant it.

Maybe this next time I’ll be the one leaving with a smile plastered on my face.

Yes, fuck you, A. 


  1. For some reason I was thinking you lived in DC. IDK.

    If you run into this asshole you're entitled to say what ever you want to say to him, or say nothing at all. I really have no idea what to say but I do think "F U" works.

    Where ever you move to, please be safe.

  2. I used to live in D.C., but my husband and I moved for graduate school. He finished a year earlier than me, so we are doing long distance for a year while I finish up. I will join him in NYC when I graduate in May.